Friday, October 29, 2004

Being Twenty-Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." Have a read. Have a think.

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Let your twenty something friends read this as well. Maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

Monday, October 25, 2004


Watching Australian Live Verdict now. Been bludging for the whole day, and I still enjoy myself now by watching TV! But on the other hand, the evil side of me tells me that Monday is the only night with all the good shows! With Queer Eye For the Straight Guy and Sex and the City coming up. And of course, not to forget OC on Tuesday!

Anyway, just came back from dinner in Shalom and got some bubble tea from Tea Inn. And guess who I saw there?! I saw Sonia! Well, I only saw Kristy at first and turn away after saying hi to her; but Sonia shouted my name after that! I was surprise to see her and vice versa! We came to a conclusion that its the BOOBIES Force that draw us together! LOL!!! Anyway, meeting her has brought me back to last week.

Last Friday, I went to SUAMS's Deepavali Night with all the other guys and had some home cooked food by the SUAMS committee members. That event had a pretty good turn up and there wasn't enough food for everyone's second round! The atmosphere was great until it started to rain and everyone just had to run into the nearest building for shelter. However, it didn't spoil everyone's mood for the night as some were still chatting away in there when I left at about 10pm.

I went over to Chek's and Sern's house for the Hallucination Session. Was waiting for a while before everyone was there. To tell you the truth, I was really nervous. I've never had a ciggy in my life and I gave my first smoke to weed! I was afraid that I would make such a big mess in front of all the expert there! Anyway, Sern me showed me how to smoke through the bong (not too sure if it's the correct term or spelling) thingy and I was like a small kid or student who was trying really hard to absorb knowledge and remember procedures at the same time! I was told that I had to breathe in as hard as possible when they burn the weed and hold it in my lung for the longest possible time. But it turned out that I was coughing really badly after smoking in all the weed as I was out of breath! It was so embarrassing as all the weed just fall all over my pants and on the floor as well! However, they told me that it was good to cough as the lung will absorb the weed quicker! Well, it make sense and I don't think they were trying to make me feel better! Half an hour later, everyone was pretty high and felt the effect, except me! So I thought I didn't had enough and decided to have another go. This time, I got the hang of it and it went really smooth. I had three smokes on the second round and it just went perfectly! I was pretty proud of myself that I got it right on the second time! Yeah!

Anyway, all of them were starting to get really crappy. I was trying to tell Chek that my brain felt really spicy which I don't know why. And he started to ask me all those funny question like, "spicy as is chili spicy? What chili? Is it red chili or green chili? Or was it sweet chili"! It was funny because he was trying to confuse me but I wasn't as high as they were! All I felt was really sleepy and stone. I just wanted to sleep! But NO, they just kept on waking me up and told me not to waste the weed. Oh yea, I forgot to mention that Sern gave us a really good performance on his trance dancing and lighting thingy. It was really cool as the whole room was dark with only two dots of light in his hand! He gave us a really good visual illusion. After that, we were just chilling in their room and listening to the music. There is this one moment where I know that the weed had an effect on me: Sern was asking me that whether I was from Jinjang and I was like yea (in a sarcastic manner as they've always laugh on where I live). He then asked me to go over to his side and look out of his balcony. OH MY GOSH!!! I couldn't believe what I saw!!! I saw Jinjang! The place where I was born, the place where I was brought up, and the place I have been living for the past 21 years!!! That was freaking me out!!! I was shouting all the way while all of them were laughing! I knew that was embarrassing but at that moment I didn't care anymore; they could laugh all they want! Anyway, our Hallucinating Session continued with lots of food and comedy. We were eating and watching some movies or funny entertainment shows all night. According to them, I was supposed to feel that the food was extra delicious and the comedy was extra funny when I had weed; but I felt like I was a total pig. Nevermind about that as long as it is not addictive, I was thinking to myself.

Stayed over at their house and woke up at 8 something in the morning because I was really hot as I was sleeping in my jeans! Got out of their house on tip toe and went for my appointment with the beauty salon at 945am. After that, Brenda's surprise party at noon. The full description of Brenda's surprise thingy can be seen in Wei's blog. Had a fun day even though I was super tired by the time I go to bed and I still have to wake up at 8am the next day. Bleh!

What a weekend!